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All My Children Discussion Group
I love my son Michael and he really isn't a bad child. Sure he does things that I don't always approve of but he also lets me know about it and he does share his feelings. This is a very good thing when dealing with teens.
He has always given me a hard time when it came to school. He's always made school work harder on himself. He didn't apply himself more or go for extra help. Oh I tried to get him to do this. I've been trying all his years through school. The only time he pushed himself is when he was at the point of failing or not getting promoted. Then he would buckle up but he never achieved the grades he could of or should have. Well that isn't always true he did fantastic in History. I don't even think he needed to study and on his US History Regents he scored a 98. He also excelled in Music. If any of you know, Michael has always loved music. He is in Jazz Band, which is a voluntary school band that he tried out for, he is part of Nassau/ Suffolk County Band again another exclusive group and then in HS he was in Symphonic, Concert and Wind Bands.
This year he took Music Theory. It was a difficult course and he did well but did want to drop out early in the year. I didn't let him drop the course nor did I let him drop the Reading for College course which he didn't do well in. He almost failed Math B, which he had to retake since he failed it last year. If it wasn't for my persistence and his teacher informing me about his performance I know he would have failed. He just barely passed the course. Then there is English. Lets just say that Michael had a great teacher, and he really like him, (John Hampson from the group Nine Days) but still he didn't apply himself. He disappointed me and his teacher.
On top of all of this stress, seeing his teachers everyday, knowing he wasn't doing well, I also knew a lot of what Michael was going through. A problem with a girl, peer pressure and the normal teen angst. Thankfully he did talk to me about some of this but it didn't make it easier. Things escalated the last month of school. He put a lot of stress on me and made issues between Martin and I. Not good. That's why I didn't come to the board. I wanted to post, and even share some of the stuff but I couldn't even put things into words and share it all. I still can't.
Now he made it through HS. He has a long hard road ahead. He will probably need to take some remedial courses and I know he will have a hard time in College. I'm glad he's going to a community college because I wouldn't want to spend the extra $$ until he gets his act together.
Some might say I did too much for him, they may be right, but regardless I got conflicting guidance from the school and just went with my guy. As a parent we don't always make the right choices but I still feel I did my best.
On to my work rant which added to some of my stress:
This year Wantagh HS fail the budget. I was one that voted against it. It went for a re vote and failed again. There will be some major changes in the school. Sports, Arts and Music clubs will be affected as will other services. From what I understand there will be teacher layoffs, clerical and all monitor will be laid off too. I'm angry that our school board didn't go back to the drawing board with a revised budget. So far it looks like the Special Ed Department will not be affected by the cut-backs. Which will be great for me since I changed jobs this year and became an aide.
I'm happy to say that my current assignment is with the same student and he will not be going to a Career and Tech school this year. All of his classes should be in Wantagh HS. I just hope that the budget issue doesn't affect my assignment. I like working with Matt and just want to get through this school year.
Welcome to MY world Izi.....Ally has been struggling with school for the last 3 years. She will finally be a Senior next year but I swear I have been pulling my hair out for the last 2 years! The first year, her 9th grade year wasn't too bad, but it was bad enough! It was like from 8th grade to 9th grade she was abducted by aliens and sent back a different person! She is finally somewhat back to her 'normal' self, but the school thing.....yeesh!!
I hope you can have a nice summer and that everything will work out in the end!
Have a fantabulous day!
~Ally & Ashleys MOm
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"He has always given me a hard time when it came to school. He's always made school work harder on himself. He didn't apply himself more or go for extra help. Oh I tried to get him to do this. I've been trying all his years through school. The only time he pushed himself is when he was at the point of failing or not getting promoted."
and then this part would apply to my daughter who just graduated (just change the he to she): "He also excelled in Music. He is in Jazz Band, and then in HS he was in Symphonic, Concert and Wind Bands. This year he took Music Theory."
Now, for the differences. My son who graduated LAST year (barely by the skin of his teeth) joined the Marines. It wasn't what I chose for him, he chose it himself and although I hate to admit it, he is doing very well. I struggled so hard to get him through school and stressed and worried and now that a year has gone by, so much has changed. I'm STILL having trouble letting go but know I have to. As much as I hate to admit it, he is growing up and Mama just isn't responsible for him anymore. Believe it or not though we've actually gotten "closer" even though he's farther away.
As for the daughter, she got a band scholarship for the local college and has decided she wants to go into the music field as a band director... not exactly what I would have chosen for her either but it's what she likes and ultimately, it's her life and her decision... She is quite good with instruments and can play 3 already (maybe more). She started with flute in 6th grade, then in HS learned trumpet to play in jazz band, and then picked up Oboe as well (and was selected for Regional band on the Oboe)... about 2 weeks before her 18th birthday, she decided to move out and move in with friends. I was really stressed over this and maybe a little proud at the same time. It did throw me for a loop though because I was so used to being in control of (or thinking I was). I have since found that it's kinda nice not having that responsibility.
"Now he made it through HS. He has a long hard road ahead. He will probably need to take some remedial courses and I know he will have a hard time in College. I'm glad he's going to a community college because I wouldn't want to spend the extra $$ until he gets his act together. "
Ok, mama - time to let go. Let HIM decide what he wants to do as far as college - you can push a little but you can't do it for him and he's going to do what HE wants to do. Let him know that you'll only spend the $$ IF he makes the grades otherwise HE'LL have to pay for the classes himself. .. Let him go easy the first semester or even the first year and I'm betting he'll be more inspired to APPLY himself. As he sees his friends moving on, he'll be more inclined to push himself a little more too.
What a difference a year makes! Last year at this time, I was feeling much the same about my son. Now, I'm so proud of him and each time I talk to him now, I'm amazed at how much he has grown.
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Oh izi, I know the kind of parent you are....one very much like most of us. Having had two boys, I know the struggles a MOM can face. I had one over-achiever and one under-achiever which kept my emotions on a roller coaster most of their high school tenure.
I did not have a full time position with my school district, but I substituted often. To complicate matters, my husband was on the school board all of the years my boys were in school. That put expectations on them and for some silly reason, I thought on me. My point being, I feel your stress and frustrations.
As you know, we live in New York State also. I've been away from the rules and regulations of school law for some time now, but I don't think your job will be affected. The State MUST provide the proper help for the learning disabled and the handicapped. Your position will certainly be needed to do that. Student ratios must jive with the help given by aides. One on ones, as I believe you've said you are, should be safe.
Economic times being what they are...school districts will have to pull in their belts if they want to pass budgets in the future. Even those of us who support and fight for school districts and their funding, are finding it harder and harder to justify some of the expenses. My husband's health benefits just went up $130. per month. We now pay over $600. per month for health insurance. Teachers and administrators need to pay their share too. Benefits must be a bargaining tool in the future...not always program....but then that's a topic for another day.
Having adult boys, I must agree with VG....someday your efforts will be appreciated by your kids....just hang on...that day will come....try NOT to hold your breath though. We don't want you to keel over.
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I understand your stress, izi ... I pushed, pulled, nagged and dragged valleyson through HS, though he will never admit to that. Bottom line is he made it, and is very proud of himself for having done so. He's working in retail at present, but will be taking a hairdressing course later this summer. It's something he has always loved to do and is really good at. He is an artistic young man, and I think this will be a good fit for him. He took art courses in HS, but I also had to refuse to allow him to drop out when the work centered more on academics than hands on. His hands on work was marvellous though. 
School was such a struggle, and it did place a lot of stress on our parent/child relationship, but sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do. Let me thank you for all of your hard work, izi, as this may not be forthcoming from Michael as of yet. One day he will thank you for all you have done. I'm still awaiting that day, but it's getting closer!
I'm glad to hear you and Matt will remain together. I know you have enjoyed working with him, and I think it is probably reciprocal. Enjoy your summer, izi ... you deserve it.
Oh, and I hope Michael's sprained ankle heals soon ... despite your troubles, he does deserve a nap! ;-)
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