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ATWT Discussion Group
31 years, here. I chalk it up to a very patient husband! Actually, we have always respected eachother's space. I remember early in our marriage when my husband played softball with his company team. After the game, they all went out for a beer. My grandmother was amazed that he would do this. And some of his friends said "She LETS you go out for a beer?" Frankly, I was surprised that anyone thought this was unusual. I would certainly expect him to let me do the same, and he has. I have a group of college girlfriends that gets together for a long weekend every year. My husband has taken care of toddlers through teens while I was out laughing and having fun.
My dad told me when we got married to always keep my own credit card and to keep separate bank accounts. I think that's helped, too. He doesn't have to know where I spend every penny, nor do I need to know how much he spent on my birthday present. We sometimes end up in separate rooms but usually the "offending person" is the one who leaves, out of respect for the other. I don't snore since I started using a CPAP, but sometimes I'm restless so I just move so as not to bother him.
We're friends, confidants and I trust him implicitly with everything I share with him. Through the years, I continue to learn new things about what makes him tick. I know we've both changed through the years, and yet since we changed together, we're still a good couple.
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Good post, mm! My 16th anniversary is coming up next month. This is my 3rd and final marriage. I think our marriage works well because we respect each other, above all. We are great friends and share the same humor and that is important! We laugh at the same jokes and even at ourselves and each other. We get jokes that our friends don't get, etc. Neither of us are very romantic. But it works. We get along like old buddies, but we love each other and take care of each other. I don't nag. I respect if he wants to spend his day riding bikes with his friends and he respects that I want to stay home most of the time and read a book. We know, respect and love each other, faults and all. I think you have to be with someone who has the exact amount of flaws that you have! But seperate bathrooms would be good, too!!!
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mm, Congratulations on your anniversary! I have so much respect and admiration for couples who can stay married for so many years. Congrats to the others of you, also, who have been married for so many years.
Personally, while I don't like to used the words always and never, I do have to say that I most likely will never get married again. I have been divorced since 1982 but I have a good relationship with my former husband and (flight of ideas here,) I can understand the SL of Carly loving Jack but not wanting to be with him again. I love my former husband but we were not a good fit and I would not be happy married to him again. However, I would do almost anything for him (like Carly) and I am the first person he calls when he has a medical or health related problem. He lives in the Northwest and I live in the Southwest so we are in touch by phone and email. He visited me and his family and friends here this summer for a week and stayed with me (in the family room). Like Carly, I want him to be happy.
I have been in a long term relationship with BB who lives about 100 miles north of me and we see each other about twice a month. I know that must sound like a very strange relationship to most married couples but it works for us. We knew each other in hi school, only as friends, back in the midwest and got reconnected through a hi school reunion 18 years ago (1990). I have posted this before but I feel like I have the best of both worlds, having my independance and freedom but also someone to love and who loves me.
I feel like I have been so blessed in this life in so many ways with a strong faith in God, a loving family, parents, sibling, great kids and grandkids and also many wonderful friends, a great career, good health, financial security, a small but happy home, and of course my four goofy, precious dogs. The only area of my life that I feel that I have not been successful in, is marriage but what the heck, you can't have everything.
So, thanks for an interesting topic, mm. It has caused me to reflect on life and relationships just as many of my Jewish friends are doing during this season of their high holy days.
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We will soon be married 47 years. We don't have separate bedrooms or bathrooms and we still get along. A couple of times I got mad and slept in the spare bedroom for a few nights and then I felt foolish and went back to our bedroom. The first night I slept in the spare bedroom my husband came in the room and said ''are you really going to sleep in here?'' When I said yes, he said he would sleep in here too. I wouldn't let him and I told him I needed my space away from him for awhile. He was so nice the next few days that I could not stay mad at him.
Our worst problem getting along is when I am driving and he tries to tell me where to park or where to turn. I used to let him tell me what to do but I don't let him anymore. I told him I will turn and park when ever and where ever I want to. He has a hard time accepting that. I never tell him where to park or how to drive so I ask him to give me the same respect. He is learning to leave me alone and it is working out a lot better. I don't mind him suggesting, I just don't want him telling. There is a big difference.
We don't have a problem with tv's. We have three and if one is watching in the living room the other goes to the bedroom or office to watch. He usually gets the HD in the living room for his baseball games. I don't mind because I don't watch very much tv.
I believe the secret to a long lasting relationship is honesty and respect and the ability to see both sides of a situation.
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