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DOOL Discussion Group
Late last night my mother in-law lost her 9 year struggle with ovarian cancer. I have so many stories swirling through my head right now about the last three days. She died very peacefully at home surrounded by her husband, sons, sisters and grandchildren. She was a courageous and amazing woman and will truly be missed. Kitty if you are reading this, I misplaced my cell phone yesterday and will e-mail you with the visitation info.
Lisa Pleasing and I have been exchanging e-mails the past few weeks and she kept telling me that I am a strong woman. Leading up to last night, I did not feel like a strong woman...especially when on Tuesday night I started crying and couldn't stop crying for hours. In the last three days, I found a strength and calmness that helped me face situations and provide comfort.
As various events unfolded during the last few days, I would observe various things and start categorizing them for a Sparky story. It was really a struggle for me to turn that off at times. One thing for example is that my in-laws live on a ridge overlooking the river and they have some bird feeders that are very popular with our feathered friends. Occasionally, a bird will fly in to the window. On Thursday after the "call in the relatives", PB's aunt visibly shuddered when yet another bird flew in to the window. Prior to this, when we would hear the tell-tale thump, someone would say "bird strike."
She said that it is an old wive's tale that when a bird flies in to the window, it means death. Well, Thursday and Friday was like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds with dozens of birds hurling themselves at the windows throughout the day. The frequency increased as her breathing became more shallow. And yet yesterday, the birds did not fly in to the window.
And I also have some happier news to report as well. Since I got married, some of you have been making comments about a pregnancy in my future. Well...there is.
I am going to be a grandmother in a few months. The brunette is expecting. At the moment, please don't mention this on FB because not everyone in my family knows yet. We felt that my in-laws had a big enough burden without also worrying the brunette becoming a single mom.
It took PB awhile to adjust to the news...he still isn't really ready to deal with this yet. In the meanwhile, I have been picking up little newborn outfits here and there from the thrift store.
The baby's first gift was from me...a onsie and sweat pants...with the Bears logo. I told the brunette that I needed someone in the family to cheer for the Bears with me and I was starting the recruiting process in utero.
I took the brunette "dark dress" shopping a few weeks and told her that I wanted to be called something other than "grandma" because I wanted to leave that word for MOTY. Well, she told MOTY...who called me up and told me that we're both grandma. All rightie then. She appreciated my intentions. She was very nice about the whole thing. She then told me that she heard about the Bears outfit I bought for the baby and said "it's on!" It was funny...like we're competing over who will buy more baby crap. So when I gave this bag-o-stuff to the brunette the other night, I told her to tell MOTY "game on." She laughed.
Sparky, I am soooooooooooo very sorry for your loss. (((HUGGING YOU))))).
I've been in the hospital most of September and recovering in October, but I want you to know, I thought of you alot and wondering if your MIL passed or was still with us.
I'm sorry to come back to work only to find out she passed away, and has gone onto another place. Death is a stinger and is always hard to take. Think if the good things about her, keep talking about her and share memories with loved ones....all this brings healing to your soul.
Grieve as long as you need to. For me, when my father passed, I grieved for a year and a half and still cry when I think about him.
Again, my sincere condolences and sympathy goes out to you and your family ((((hugggss)))).
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Sparky...my sincere condolences....she certainly fought the good fight and you were right there with her. I am going to post LisaP's poem for you and anyone who may miss it below. It is lovely. ((hug)) ~av
Butterfly
The time has come for me to release you
Free to fly high above this world. Where the flowers forever bloom & The ultimate love fills this space.
In my attempt to try and keep you
I’ve only been able to hold the anger Not realizing that I have to let you go I can’t hold on.
I’ll no more keep your pain alive, I won’t try to hold you down. I’ll let you fly on to higher ground. My grief has left a numbness As if this isn’t real You are in my heart forever, But I know I have to let you free. Soar high. Laugh as a child that feels the joy of the moment. Play among the rivers flowing through the hills. Roam the fields of daisies. Fly to the top of the mountains. With eyes closed, I see you among the flowers, High above the clouds.
Your presence blows through me with the breeze. Your smile beams down on through the sun. The full moon brings the light of your laughter to my mind.
And the Butterfly in all its splendor reminds me Of your beauty and freedom now. Leaving your love for me lingering in my world.
Author unknown
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss... my deepest condolences.
Congrats on the new baby. WOW. Surprising news, but happy news! How is the brunette feeling about all this? I'm glad she has lots of support, and that everyone is getting along.
My son has stepgrandparents too (hubby's side) and they are ALL Grandmas and Grandpas... there's no difference, they all love him, and he loves them all, equally!
(((HUGS))) I'm sorry for your loss.
Wow, congrats on the new incoming addition!
Well is the Brunette the one that as living at the house for awhile but you guys kind of kicked her out. How old is she? do you think she is ready for all this! Guess she better be.
It is true about the birds. The day my mom passed from cancer, I was driving to her house. 2 big black birds or crows, flew right by my window, freaked me out. I just had a feeling it meant something and it did.
I am so sorry, Sparky. {{{Hugs}}}
My "surprise" granddaughter has been the GIFT of a lifetime and I adore her. You are going to be a wonderful grandma.
Hi Sparky. I clicked in here tonight to check on updates about your MIL.
I'm sorry for your family's loss. I'm sure the missing is very painful, even while being relieved that she is no longer in pain. (((HUGS))).
Congratulations on the new Baby Backer that is on the way. Funny how the life cycle always continues, huh?
Sparky, I am truly sorry. My sympathy and condolences to you, PB and his family. If there is anything good to be said it is that MIL was at home with family. And now there's a little blessing coming your way, my best wishes to the brunette for a happy, healthy pregnancy.
Sincerely, Catrin
My sympathy to the Backer family at the loss of a beautiful matriarch of the family.
Hugs to you Gma Sparky and your efforts to lead this little one to the light...of beardom. The path is narrow...
In our family we ended up calling them gma's and gpa's and adding their first names. Hubby's family started it and it continued down line. Our grandkids do the same. For us it wasn't as important as we were the only one with this last name...but in the sil's family he had many of the older relatives still living making duplicate same last names.
They are still referred to as grandma/pa...a sign of respect...and not just the first name. Worked for us.
It is surprising that many of the kids on the bus do not know their grandparents' first or last names because they only refer to them as grandma/pa. To me, that is sad.
I'm sorry for the loss the Backer family has experienced. I know you will do all within your power to ease them through this difficult time.
No doubt looking forward to this new life will be a place for healing to begin. By the way, you'll love being a grandma.