I'm very sorry for using offensive language and words in the referenced topic.
I understand what all of you were trying to tell me, but I'm still having a hard time with it. I'm stubborn. My husband is a real estate agent. He met a man who instantly took a liking to him and called him "best friend". This man has taken advantage of my husband since this so-called friendship began. And my husband is well aware that this friendship was only working one-way. Lots of favors on Larry's end. None for my husband.
Anyway, this Larry person worked my husband for months. Told him about the freemasons, and took him shopping where hubby was amazed at how Larry and another guy recognized each that they were masons. Very mysterious and cool to my husband.
Then, he decides he wants to join. I get interviewed to see if I have any objection. I said no, because hubby told me that he was only going to use this membership as a networking tool. That he would tell me everything that went on because we have no secrets.
Long story short, he gets initiated and now he has secrets. And he has this self-important attitude like he is some kind of chosen one. I could care less what the secrets are. I'm sure they are insignificant in the greater scheme of things. I just don't like where all of this is headed. More time away from home.
If I would have told my husband a year ago that he would willingly enter a room full of men, dresssed in a ridiculous costume, blindfolded and poked at, only to come to me to tell me his oath to them was more important that his promise to me, he would have laughed at me. And called any man who was willing to sleep alone for the cause, downright crazy.
Our marriage has always come first and I'm simply shocked, hurt and very, very sad. I don't think I'm Freemason wife material. And no, I'm not looking for a way out. This man is the best thing that ever happened to me. He created this monster by treating me like a queen and always making me and our marriage a priority. As I did for him.
Advice is still appreciated. Again, I'm so sorry I lashed out here. Here is where I come for peace. I've never really officially joined this group, just kind of butt in because I liked what I saw and enjoyed the conversation. You are all always so nice to me.
Nicky :-(
Posted by: SnopesQueen Date posted: Fri Sep 26 15:30:54 2008
Message: You're the same person that posted before about your husband getting into the real estate business, aren't you? Seems you were pretty upset with him then. It sounds like you've been unhappy in this marriage for a while now and you are looking for things to pick on about him.
The freemasons, from what I have been reading, are a respectable group that does good charity work. The secrecy seems to be tied in just with the signs and rituals. These aren't secrets that should threaten your marriage. These aren't reasons happily married people sleep on the sofa IMO. Sounds like you've got issues that go way beyond the freemasons and his desire to sell real estate. Maybe he's throwing himself into real estate and joining the freemasons because he's trying to spend less time with you. Maybe he isn't any happier with this marriage than you are. That's the way it's looking to me from what you've posted. Sounds like you've got some serious marital issues that need some good communication, perhaps some joint marriage counselling. Good luck.
Posted by: Anne Date posted: Fri Sep 26 8:53:30 2008
Message:
It's OK, I wasn't offended. My Dad is a mason, and it just wasn't talked about when I was growing up. Or NOW for that matter. I can understand where you are coming from though. It all seems so silly. I don't think my Dad wnet to many meetings if I remember. And my mother wasn't involved with Eastern Star. But it may be beneficial if you do join.
IMO, any organization that has been around for as long as the masons have been are quite chauvinistic (not saying my Dad is, but he IS old school). That goes for religious groups as well. And we all know how secretive they can be.
Posted by: LISA K Date posted: Fri Sep 26 8:11:04 2008
Message: Why not talk to some of the wives of the men in this chpater, see what their take is?
Posted by: Jana Date posted: Fri Sep 26 6:14:25 2008
Message:
I can certainly understand your frustration. I would not like the secret stuff either. The Masons are different and are a strong clique. My uncle was one although not very active. You can spot Masons in a crowd due to the way they greet each other with that hand shake. I have seen it at work, church, everywhere I go. Also if a Mason is hiring and there are two men up for the job and one is a Mason, he will get the job. It doesn't matter if he is the best candidate or not.
Posted by: Tess Date posted: Thu Sep 25 21:18:37 2008
Message: I never knew that Masons and Freemasons were one-in-the-same. Never thought about it much-just thought they were 2 diff. organizations. No advice though. Sorry. I don't know much about them. I didn't even know that it still existed!
Posted by: ML Date posted: Thu Sep 25 20:18:58 2008
Message: I think it kind of gets down to a boys-being-boys thing...be it a team, a fraternity, a club...
Posted by: Sephora Date posted: Thu Sep 25 19:45:38 2008
Message: I'm really sorry you are having such a difficult time of this, Nicky. I think that regardless of what the Freemasons are about...the point is YOU are not comfortable with it and it's obviously creating a big problem for you and your husband...so for that alone, he should take your feelings into consideration. The only thing I can think of is to talk over it some more with each other (which I am sure you're already doing). ((Nicky))
I don't think you should feel like you have to apologize. Your world has basically been turned on its ear and you are wondering what is going on.
I've had a little knowledge about freemasons, my neighbor several years ago was one. Mysterious and strange, indeed. All the little secret handshakes and passwords, etc. are very annoying to someone outside the ring.
Look online and find out information about them. I know there are websites where you can learn more.You are frustrated and feel alone. The best way to counteract that is learn about what it is you don't know. You probably won't learn any of their 'secrets', but you'll maybe understand why grown men gather together. Male bonding, perhaps? A power trip knowing 'they' know things others don't? Maybe. Nevertheless, its upsetting you and you need an outlet. Don't ever apologize for your feelings. They are validated, because you feel them regardless if you have reason too or not.
Try not to feel alone and isolated that will only make it worse. You will start to resent your husband and you don't want to do that. So, learn..learn...learn. That is your best tool right now! Good luck.
Posted by: Stella Date posted: Thu Sep 25 18:50:40 2008
Message: I'm sorry you are still so upset over this. Mason's believe in family. That is why you were interviewed before hand. I know if the Mason's found out the only reason your husband joined was to network he wouldn't have made it in. Don't let the secret stuff bug you so much. Join the women's side..Eastern Star and you too can have your secret stuff. It doesn't mean your husband loves you any less. It seems your attitude is doing more damage to your marriage. Try to be positive and give this thing a chance. I hope you can resolve this.
Posted by: sandy Date posted: Thu Sep 25 18:39:43 2008
Message: Apology accepted, I got a little hot too. My dad was a Mason when I was a kid and even then knowing what I did I thought it was silly. It seems that men join these clubs for the "bonding" or some other reason. Now that you have calmed down and I have too I understand that you are feeling left out. I would too. I don't know what the need is for the "secret" crap either. In fact I think it is wrong for that to be part of the membership simply for the problem it can cause.
Obviously my dad must have not been too devoted to it because I don't remember him going to meetings very often. And in his case also I think it was a work related thing as he was trying to move up in the company. Sometimes that kind of thing looks good on a resume. In fact when I was working I was told if I wanted to move up in the company I should join some groups because it made a difference. I decided I didn't need "them" to plan my life so I found another job.I am sorry you are so upset and I think if you have a good marriage you should sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Don't allow this to drive a wedge between you.
Posted by: AngD Date posted: Thu Sep 25 17:47:28 2008
Message: I'm with HockeyChick - I really don't know what to say! I'm sorry you are so upset by this. I probably would be too, but more because I hate it when somebody else has secrets that I can't know....it bugs me!!! But in your case, I think you are feeling left out and like your hubby is putting you second. You know who can help you out with this and probably has the answers? Your hubby..... (((HUGS))) I know you'll get thru this.
Thanks for apologizing. We really WERE only trying to help.
The bottom line for you is that you are extremely uncomfortable with your husband's decision to join the Freemasons. Whether or not your discomfort is unfounded doesn't matter - you're uncomfortable. Does he know exactly how you feel? I'm assuming you've told him all this? If so, and he's still gone ahead knowing how it makes you feel, then I do sympathize with you. It can't be easy. I really don't know what the answer is. I'm sorry!
