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Y&R Discussion Group
Tell your son not to hold his breath. Clearly these friends either don't intend to get him one, or they've completely forgotten they'd planned to. Please don't remind them!
You should also tell your son that weddings aren't about the gifts and that expecting something from everyone is a bit greedy. I know that the best gifts I got for my wedding was the company of my friends and family. No blender could ever equal that! I think it's a shame that people are under the mistaken impression that gift-giving is a mandatory part of the marriage tradition. It's not. It's simply a VERY nice gesture. I hope that that New York "tradition" of giving monetary gifts was not added to the invitation. It's bad enough that gifts are expected, but when the kind of gift is specified as money, someone needs to take a remedial course in diplomacy, graciousness, humility and gratitute.
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I had no idea that a gift was mandatory for a wedding. Certainly, its nice and appreciated...but honestly, you really are going to get bent out of shape over your son not recieving something?
I guess I have always felt that a wedding is a celebration and the couple is hosting a party for their friends and family. Most definetly its rude for someone not to bring a gift, much like it is to any party. However, its over. Its done. I think its time to move on and not worry about it.
And to be honest, I think the so called 'rules' of a timetable about when to give a gift is a bit much. I think the couple would appreciate a gift at any time.
I take the gift with me to the wedding reception. There is normally a gift table for those giving gifts and at some time during the reception, usually before or after dinner, guests give the envelopes to the couple (if there's a receiving line then it's given at that time).
The only time I give a gift before the wedding is if I'm not able to attend the wedding, I'll send them a gift card to where the couple is registered.
Weddings are such a pain, the whole gift-giving ettiquette is too much. It seems to be much more of a big deal than I ever remember. I am grateful that I am at the time of my life when I am not getting invited to weddings any more. Everybody I know is either already married or divorced and swear they will never marry again. I seem to know more people kicking the bucket than tying the knot.
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In October 2006 we attended a huge wedding. The bride's father had won a $12 million dollar lottery a few months before this wedding. There were 450 guests (for this town, that's enormous!) and the party went on for a few days. My husband and I spent $80 on a beautiful painting for the couple. We put the gift on a huge table with about 200 other gifts and envelopes. We have yet to receive a thank you card. I see this woman often and she has mentioned a few times about getting her cards sent out. Really, after a year and a half, don't bother. I don't think a gift is forthcoming for your son and wife, so I think I would just forget about it and move on.
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Contrary to popular belief, a wedding gift is not mandatory. Yes, it's strange that they didn't bring a gift, monetary or otherwise, but they don't owe your son & his wife a thing for what they ate and drank. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations, not fundraisers.
What would be rude is to actually bring this up to this couple expecting them to cough up a gift once told.
If this really bothers you, your husband doesn't have to socialize with this guy - or does this even bother your husband as much as it does you and your son?
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Was there another gift given in place of the WNY traditional monetary one?
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I would say that the classiest way to remind your friends would be for your son and his new bride to send a thanks for joining them on their special day. If your friends mentioned at Christmas that a gift was forthcoming and it hasn't yet, it is possible that it has slipped their minds.
Just a little friendly FYI, it does come off as you are expecting payment, at least to me. A gift is something that should be given freely and from the heart not in exchange for a meal. Again, this is my opinion. Sorry if that seems harsh.
I don't know Rosie, I have so many problems with the rudeness of todays world. Is there any thing that just requires doing something because you care about the persons? Why would anyone wait till the joy of the moment has faded to give what they can afford to give? I also have a problem with the honorees dictating what should be given or from which stores it should be purchased. What is next, asking us to make a car payment? How cold have things become?
We sent a gift (a Belgian Waffle Maker) to some relatives when we got the invitation/announcement and have yet to have it asknowledged 2 years or more.
My sisters Grandchild sent us a high school graduation announcement. I see the family only twice a year but the girl is very sweet and I want to send a gift ASAP. The reason I mention this is, I need some ideas. I don't have much contact with people that age so I just don't have an idea what would be appreciated. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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The wife is correct, it's proper to send a wedding gift anytime in the first year of marriage although most people do so at the time of the wedding. It sounds like she is aware they haven't sent a gift yet (having made that comment at Christmas), so I would not remind her. IMO, that makes it look like the present is more important to you than the fact that your friends cared enough to attend your son's wedding and share in the celebration. I'm a bit bothered by the idea of the hosts calculating the cost per head and weighing that against the gift or lack of a gift. I see the gift as a bonus, not an obligation or repayment of what it cost to have them at the wedding.
If there was an issue as to whether your friends may have sent a gift that got lost, that might be a different story but like I said it sounds like she is well aware of not having sent a gift yet and there is still time.
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According to Miss Manners:
The gift for the bride should be given before the wedding or shortly after the couple. If the gift cannot be sent anytime soon, it must be sent before three months after the ceremony. This goes against hearsay that it can be sent even shortly before the first year anniversary of the newlyweds.
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